Monday, June 25, 2012

Quotes From God's Twitter Account

I don't know about you ... but I Follow God on Twitter. Some of Her last Tweets...

Seriously. Earthlings have me laughing so hard I could cry. Religions. I couldn't make that stuff up! So I made everything else and now I'm ROFL watching. #wtfatt? @GOD

Kardashians? Oh man. I was just trying to make a predator for designer shoes. Oops. Frankenstein. @GOD

So sick of people blaming me for their own issues. It's a tissue day. @GOD

I just read that GOD IS DEAD. I'm pretty sure I'm Alive but I may have words with the editor. @GOD

Which book did I actually write? Honestly...I like Love Stories. @GOD

Dawkins says I don't exist because the Universe didn't need me. He's looking right at me and says I don't exist just because I'm not doing things the way other people say or in ways he can understand. Everything he does is according to Nature too. Not sure Dawkins is alive. lol. #atheistsaremonkeys @GOD

The Platypus wasn't my idea. Not takin credit for that thing. @GOD

Everything in the Universe is getting it on and people are writing that I think sex is a bad thing. FYI. I started with a BIG BANG people. @GOD

Does the Sun make my butt look big? Careful...   @GOD

Charlie Sheen woke me up at 3 fricken AM last night asking me to drop by. Man. The nerve! Who booty calls GOD??? @GOD

The Paparazzi got in MY face again. I'm going to make a bunch of Alec Baldwin's to deal with this. @GOD

If I only just set it in it still my fault that Boy Bands evolved? @GOD

Thank ME. Gas prices are finally going down. @GOD

Here's one! How many Televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I dont know. But they'll screw anywhere they can. @GOD

Katy Perry is so CUTE! I could just kill myself! But that would be a disaster. Then poor Katy would be responsible for the end of the Universe. @GOD

I planted all of these nice little Galaxies. Happy little soon to be universes. ... Now I'm just waiting for it to rain. @GOD

What should I never have created? Parking meters. It's like taxing you to be here. @GOD

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