Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Top Ten Celebrity Babes

Here you will find assembled my personal Top Ten Celebrity Babes list. These are the girls, counting down from #10 to the creme de la creme at #1, who have both inspired my search for 'that girl' and who also made me feel massive pangs of inadequacy. I probably ought to just buy a dog. Here goes...


#10 ORIANTHI PANAGARIS
Talent is a very sexy thing. And besides, I play the guitar too. Granted, this little 25 year old Aussie guitar prodigy could shred the floor with me having played for Michael Jackson, Santana and Steve Vai among others. Still...I'd like it.

#9 MEGHAN KELLY
FOX News certainly lives up to its name with Kelly on board. She's beautiful and incredibly intelligent. She singlehandedly destroys the dumb blonde myth with a truly intimidating mind. She seems like a good girl too. Hmm. This girl is very threatening. I'm going to go hide now.

#8 MEGAN FOX
For some reason, I dont think that I'm the only guy in the world who thinks that Megan Fox is smokin. She looks like a brat to me...and like she needs a shower or something. Someone...needs some corrective measures.

#7 GRACE PARK
I first got a good look at Grace on the Sci Fi show 'Battlestar Gallactica' as she played the hidden Cylon Boomer. She's a stunning woman truly. Again though, she looks like a smart girl. Dangit. I need to be a Cylon. Am I?

#6 CHARLIZE THERON
Charlize was the girl that my ex once agreed would be a logical 'freebie.' She told me that if I ever had the chance to be with Charlize then I'd better represent. Of course, she knew I had no chance whatever. I was relieved her 'freebie' was Ricky Martin.

#5 IMOGEN LLOYD WEBBER
Oh my. As far as I'm concerned, Imogen is the Crown Jewel of Britain. The daughter of composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, she is bright, funny, and ... wow. I watch her on 'Red Eye' and often feel I need to start this whole 'life' thing over again and get it right this time. I'm working up Phantom on the guitar. In the event we get trapped on a deserted island together, I will be able to blow her mind with a romantic soliloquy.

#4 ZOE SALDANA
Zoe is mesmerizing. She is probably the only reason that I even went to see 'Avatar' ... like 20 times. 3D was a genius idea when it came to Zoe. Do fantasies of blue aliens count as mental bestiality? I dont even care. She's that hot. What is it with Zoe and space movies like 'Avatar' and 'Trek'? I'm building a spaceship....

#3 HEIDI HUDSON LEICK
Ok. Going into the Top Three, things are getting serious. My favorite show of all time is 'Xena.' And Hudson, aka 'Callisto', is the reason why. I actually dated a couple of girls who looked exactly like her. She definitely made an impression on me. Her character 'Callisto' was gorgeous...and completely crazy from carrying so much inner pain around. Yeah... girlfriend...girlfriend...girlfriend. Hudson is currently a Yoga teacher and a spiritual consultant. Love you Heidi. I need some Yoga lessons and a reading. Please disregard my most obvious thoughts.

#2 SCARLETT JOHANSSON
Ok ok. So I dated the Hudsons. But I married Scarlett. I have never been able to look at her without thinking...@#$%! And I at least want my DVDS back!!! Still. Scarlett is just classic. There is something really innocent ... and yet not... about this girl. Yeah...I'd have better luck with a terminator. And speaking of Terminators...

#1 KRISTANNA LOKEN
Kristanna is my end all. She's like nine feet tall with blonde hair, an angelic face and eyes like sabers. I have decided that Kristanna, who launched her career playing the Terminatrix in 'Terminator 3', needs a tattoo somewhere on her body that says 'Just Add Wings.' I think there is a very good chance that I am going to win the Nobel Prize for cloning this girl. Because I really want one.

So there's my list. I really need to consider some vices like alcoholism or something as a replacement measure for what I'm missing. Each and every one of these girls is at least a two drink minimum. I'd be hitting the shots by the time I got to Heidi. Kristanna? Oh I give up.

I suppose I'll just waste my life on clean living and boring responsibilities. There's always the possibility that I'll wind up on a flight with one or more of the girls and crash onto a deserted island like in LOST. "I'm a doctor!" I'll tell them.

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