Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Drunk Dialing

It occurs to me that I dont have anyone special in my life to drunk dial. This could get tricky because a situation might arise in which I would very much like to drunk dial someone...but I dont know who! I'm over all my exes so I don't need to make any last ditch efforts. And I'm far too lazy for a one night stand. Of course, that one falls under 'booty call' ... but its close enough to fare consideration.

I've never really drunk dialed anyone that I remember. But I'm sure I actually have ... if you get my point. I don't recall saying anything of note while I was drunk dialing. For example, I didn't drunk dial someone and then say "Eureka! I've got it! Einstein was wrong! E equals something else entirely!"

I'm glad at least that I don't remember doing that.

I know that I used to call Dominoes Pizza quite a bit when I was heading off to house parties in my misspent youth...

"Hello Dominoes." I said.
"Hello Dominoes," was the answer on the other end.
"Did you call me?"
"Oh. Yeah. I want a burger."
"... ... Sir. This is Dominoes Pizza. Guess what we have?"
"Seriously? Guess? God...this is soooo hard."

Without anyone of note to drunk dial, I'm afraid that I might just start dialing random numbers stored in my phone.

"Thank you for calling the Home Depot! Our regular store hours are from..."
"I miss you."
"...10AM until 9PM. If you wish to speak to someone in hardware press..."
"It's my fault...I'm lonely. I think I spilled a beer on my shoe and my friends left me downtown..."
"...1...If you would like to speak to a representative in lighting press..."
"You know...maybe its your fault. Think of that ever?? Hmm..?"

Yeah. See? I could wind up making up with the phone tree for a couple of hours or so.

What if I just randomly dialed and then did call one of my exes? Disaster...

"Yeah its me Scott..."
"Uh....right. Why are you calling me?"
"... Who are you?"
"Who am I? God."
"You're God?"
"Um...I've been meaning to talk with you God. I have a few bones to pick with you."
"Have you been drinking? You sound like you have been drinking."
"Maaaaybe. How...uh. How can you tell? Oh...wait. You're God."
"You were always such an ass. Don't ever call me again. Ever."
"God? God...did you just hang up on me? Hello? ... Oh...shit. God is pissed off."

Mmhmm. Worrisome indeed.

It seems ever more clear to me that I'm going to need to correct this problem. I need to have some phone numbers stored in my phone ... just in case I need to drunk dial someone. I have been giving it a bit of thought. Still, aside from suicide hotlines and 900 numbers I'm not really sure what numbers to store. I'm more worried about the 900 numbers. They might really add up!

At any rate, I really need to do something about my drunk dialing number shortage. After all, I think I just booked a flight to Paris under the name Johnny Rockefeller. 911 might be looking for me too.

"Hello sir?"
"Do you know how to solve a Rubik's cube?"
"Is this an emergency?"


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