Thursday, April 22, 2010

All That Vajazzle


Well. Now I really HAVE seen it all.

I guess its the latest thing in body ornamentation. And I suppose I really shouldnt be surprised. After all...girlies like to make things cute. Starting in grade school, they write love notes on their bookcovers ...with happy little angel wings and smiling hearts! In high school, girls spends millions on their hair and bazillions on their clothing and they still manage a quick dolphin accessory or a sun or something on their ears.

No ... It shouldnt come as a surprise to me at all that girls across the globe are getting plucky with their plucked bits. That's right...they are Vajazzling!

Vajazzling is the moniker of that new trend for ladies to adorn those freshly mowed meadows with sparkling jewels. They're icing their underparts. They're bringing blings to wings. They're ... you get the idea.

I've never been one for the Brazillian so I guess, at least for me, Vajazzling represents something of an improvement. Although, I must admit that if I am ever fortunate enough to see a Vajazzled Va Jay Jay then I'm a bit fearful that what will come to mind is a vision of Lady Ga Ga under those awesome Vaginal disco lights.

Born a man, the Vagina is my turf! In this culture, however, that turf is no more. It has been replaced with bedroom bling. Maybe I really should turn off the lights from now on! Could I be blinded...my eyes Vajazzled by the reflecting rays of the sun...or at least my lamp?

Those intimate moments of romantic bliss are indeed an awesome time to think of Disco I suppose. I may just have to grow a 70s stache and get with the program. I'll change my name to Hunter Free Love, buy a gun that fires pop rocks, and finally get around to putting shag carpet in my car.

I for one just cant keep up with all of the cool things that women are doing. And more and more, ladies are making it cool for the once inappropriate to be appropriate. Twenty or so years ago, I might just get slapped mentioning the V word in polite company. But today, my women friends go on about those V words until I am so entirely jaded that I find myself asking them to talk about something else. Vajazzling is in the open. It's fingernail polish for the Coochie.

Apparently, there is a lot that a girl can do by 'Vajazzling' her lady parts. After all, it's basically Bedazzling...only her. She can make an arrow. "Here it is!!". Thank goodness. Or she can make a star. "That's me. I'm a star!". She might make something troubling and complicated. But in that case, I'll just avoid calling her back.

I suggest that women could Vajazzle a money sign. That way, at least, a man knows exactly what kind of pit he's getting into. Maybe I'll look for a girl with a happy face. I know she at least wants me to have a nice day. And by then, I'll intend to. My favorite Vajazzle might just be three Xs. That way my mind will be in keeping with the situation that has presented itself...in such a fashionable way.

I've been giving Vajazzling some thought and realized that I had better prepare myself for a time when I may just come across a Vajazzled Vag. Ahem.

I might just say..."Dear God."... or "Glory Hallelujah!"...

More likely though, I'll stammer a bit, smile sheepishly and say something like, "That looks expensive."

Of course, she'll say...."it always was."



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