Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Sky is Falling!

Science has done a lot of dumb things, not the least of which was the invention of the Atomic Bomb.

That...was dumb.

It takes a lot of really smart people to do something that dumb. Just think of all of the hazards to mankind that took so many real geniuses just to come up with.

I've already mentioned the Atomic Bomb. Dumb. But aside from fire, the wheel and breast implants...most breakthroughs did almost as much harm to humanity as they did any good.

Most scientific advances began as military projects. In other words, smart people were trying to figure out just how exactly to blow the bejeezus out of other smart people. And that's dumb.

With the nuclear age came nuclear power. But that led to toxic waste and armadas of stealthy nuclear submarines operating on that same nuclear power and carrying payloads of tactical nuclear warheads. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Polluting the world was really dumb from the get go. Now we face the ever growing threat of global warming and the always present threat produced by overflowing landfills and beaches awash with syringes. Pretty dumb.

Some would say that the computer was a great idea! But now that I have an iphone I'm wondering why it is so much better to replace certain trivial aspects of my life with equally trivial button pushing. For instance, if I want to know what time that movie is showing then I just push a button and voila! Showtime! Before the iphone I had the pleasure of rifling through the phonebook and making a call or just calling 411 and having a nice chat with someone about movies. Long before that I drove across town and bought a newspaper...or I just drove by the theatre to see what time my movie was starting.

It was adventure finding out what time my movie was starting! And now it's gone.


In the same vein, I was more content as a kid when I had just 3 channels to surf. Why? Because I wasnt wasting my life watching television. I was outside flirting with the neighbor girl and playing basketball with my friends. Along came cable then satellite...and most of us forgot that the sun existed. And that's dumb.

What about computer and video games? Once the home video game was invented or the PC that could play a massive multiplayer role playing game like Warcraft, a lot of people just dropped out of society entirely.

"Sweetheart...do you like my new lingerie?"
"Uh...sure sure honey. Damn!"
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Yeah...damn Orcs. What was that honey? New what?"

Obviously Dumb. And, for the record, I DO like your new lingerie.

Games are fun, but playing them all of the time or allowing your kids to grow up sitting in front of a computer is just plain Dumb. There is a lot of living to do. And you can miss it.

Of course I'm picking on Science and Invention. Really, religion is about the dumbest thing of all. Most of the wars have been fought over differing opinions on whose god is the more righteous and peace loving. If that isnt Dumb...then its Ironic. Maybe its both which is Sad and still qualifies, in my book, as really fricking Dumb! Double Dumb even!!

Science is screwing around with the nature of the Universe again. Tomorrow in Geneva Switzerland, scientists from all around the world are going to be firing off the Large Hadron Collider. They are doing this in an effort to study the physics of matter and the dynamics of reality. It's an experiment in which they will simulate the Big Bang and the beginnings of creation. They hope to create some nice little black hole conditions to study.

Sounds kinda Dumb.

Of course most of the scientists involved ABSOLUTELY INSIST that the experiment is completely safe. They agree that the scientists who contend that the experiment has a small chance of destroying the world just arent looking on the bright side.

We humans, and Scientists especially, really don't have that great a track record. Face it, we came up with pet rocks, New Coke, fake houseplants and clothes for dogs. We're addicted to poisonous cigarettes; our religions tell us people come back from the dead and we buy it; and, to our credit, we created the revolution of the internet and then we use it to surf porn.

Just how Dumb are we?

Maybe the Large Hadron Collider won't destroy the world as we know it. Of course...it might. On the other hand, if it doesnt, then who is to say that what we learn from it won't just make things worse than they are now? Maybe we'll learn, for instance, just HOW to destroy the world...or the Universe for that matter. That would be ... you said it! Dumb!

In the event that the Universe is going to END tomorrow I have prepared a list of...

10 Things That I Want To Do Before The Universe Ends Tomorrow.

1. Find a very attractive random girl and have sex with her.

2. Smoke as many cigars as I want to.

3. Order a pizza and eat the entire pie.

4. Locate my greatest enemy and take him out a day in advance.

5. Watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one last time.

6. Find a few more very attractive random girls to have sex with.

7. Break at least 3 major laws for the thrill of it.

8. Go SkyDiving.

9. Put on Clean Underwear for when I get to Heaven

10. Write a Blog about the End of the World. Oh wait! I'm all done!

Who knows? Maybe this is the End of the World...Again. I for one am skeptical. We probably couldnt get that right either.


1 comment:

Kat said...

Love this blog, Scottie! All of your ideas are so insightful and enlightened. If only more people in the world could step away from their reality TV shows and violent video games long enough to see what you do, we would all be a lot better off. I am officially bookmarking this blog. Take it easy.


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