Saturday, September 6, 2008

Free For President!

I have decided to run for President. And drawing from the response to McCain's selection of Governor MILF Sarah Palin as his running mate, I have decided to make porn queen Jenna Jameson my own.

Thus, I am announcing the inception of the Block Party. Jenna and myself wish to represent partying Americans. I think it's overdue from the look of some of the current Candidates.

It's About the ISSUES! And Jenna and I feel that YOU, the American Partygoer, have specific issues in mind this election year.

The Block Party Has The Solutions!!

1. Every Thursday is LADIES NIGHT Across America. China gets in Free until 10 PM. No cover for Democratic Countries. Communist States must cover their friends.

2. The White House will be hosting "Block Parties" every other weekend. Special Interests and Minorities are invited Free of Charge. All others BYOB.

3. Free "Check Out Our World Piece" Jenna t-shirts to the first 100 White House volunteers!

4. We're going to make Iraq the 51st state and the first World Kum and Go! Democratic countries across the globe can refuel their economies with Iraq's abundant oil reserves at the new 'Iraq N Go!' We'll pass these savings on to YOU, the American Taxpayer. All Troops in Iraq will be relegated to Pump Service.

5. NO MORE TAXES. Instead, the Block Party will leave a tip jar on the White House Lawn. Seriously. Do what you can for America!

6. I am currently seeking a White House Intern. She must be between 21-35 years of age. Blonde Hair preferred. Brunette if she's naughty. Cigar smoking a plus.

7. Playboy has agreed to contribute HALF of its profits from its "The First Lady Exposed!" issue to our National Treasury.

8. California will be declared a Free Drug State. Alternatively, Drugs will be entirely Illegal on the East Coast. It's the LAW! States in the middle will continue the lie.

9. The White House will put an end to Global Warming once and for all! We encourage you to put your own ideas in the tip jar on the White House Lawn.

10. The First Lady will join "The Million Man March" to raise money for social reform. You can check it out Live on Pay Per View.

11. Seven States including Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee and Florida will be Designated KEG States. It will be their responsibility to supply Free Beer to those with our Block Party Hand Stamp. And no!!! It's NOT the Mark of the Beast!!

It's the Mark of the Beer!!

12. Enjoy our State of the Union 'Undress', brought to you by "Girls Gone Wild!"

13. NORAD will be replaced with a Giant Game of Quarters, Risk and Beer Pong.

14. My Administration will REBUILD Ground Zero in New York City and replace it with a GIANT CANNON aimed right at suspected Taliban and Al Queda. It will be named the American Shaft! And no one wants a Bang from our Shaft, I assure you!

15. Tune in to our new White House Reality Show, "Presidency of Love."

16. All new Immigrants to our Great Country must be expected to memorize "Animal House" and be able to walk a straight line across the border.

17. Our Block Party Cabinet will include Snoop Dogg as Secretary of State, P Diddy as Secretary of the Treasury, Chuck Norris as White House Secretary of Defense and Keith Richards as Attorney General.

18. The White House Pet will be Mandy Jenkins from May of Issue 257.

19. As a Protest to Russia's heinous attack on its neighbor Georgia, we will implement a moratorium on the immigration of Russian internet wives. I will lead the way, and send my own back to Russia.

20. Live Bands will be hosted on the Washington Mall Each and Every Day! Votes on specific issues will be collected via Voting Booths and will more accurately reflect the wishes of the American Partier.

21. All coastal states will be listed as Clothing Optional States.

22. Anyone who breaks the American Laws will be sentenced to Canada.

23. Free Shots to All Member UN Nations that Vote the American Way!

IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING!! Join the Block Party, Scott Free and Jenna Jameson for the New American Revolution!

I am Scott Free. And I Approved This Message.


Amy Padgett said...

You've got my vote!

Freestyle said...

Thanks Amy! Let the Good Revolutions Roll!

rob rob the party slob said...

Why vote for the lesser of two evils when I can be proud to support the tip jar system and Jenna... sorry I really think she should be first on the ticket...

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