Saturday, September 20, 2008

Bachin It!

Being single is an interesting thing for me really. After all, this boy is fairly domesticated. I've been married before. And that was really great!...for all of the two seconds it lasted. If you were to ask my true friends, rare that they are, what kind of life I was meant for they would probably just laugh. We live the lives we have.

I'm pretty awkward in or out of relationships at this point. I've had too many good things blow up in my face to put a lot of trust out there anymore. And, frankly, it has been so long for me to be in a real relationship that lasted more than a few months that I finally understand how guys become Bachelors.

Basically, you get used to being with someone and you get used to being without someone.

I'm a horrible Bachelor though.

First of all. I'm a great cook. Actually, I'm a professional cook. I've had five restaurants after all. But, left to my own devices, I find myself eating pasta out of cans, peanut butter sandwiches, fig newtons, yogurt and Goddess knows what else. I don't like to put a lot of work into impressing myself with culinary skills that will likely fade to nonexistence in time. And good riddance! That was always too much work anyway!

I keep a pretty clean house. However, I have managed to move 3 times in the last two years. Because of this, I use one of the rooms I have to just throw all kinds of extra crap into. It's my extra crap room. The rest of my 'pad' probably makes no sense to any visitors I have. There are palm trees, lots of Angels of course, and things you will never imagine. I figure that the closer to heaven the better. And I find it relaxes me immeasurably.

I absolutely hate going grocery shopping. I know that everyone says that you can meet some great girls that way. Fine, fine. Still, I feel like a moron walking around a grocery store getting 'beware of dog' looks from the girls I see. I'm thinking..."Hey! I'm just here for the Wonder Bread! Seriously!" And I am. Of course, that blonde on aisle 5 did have some very nice legs.

Of course, even Bachelors like myself have to get out once in a while. For me, that means just about every night since the alternative is sitting around watching Fox News or Man vs Wild. So, sure enough, I make my way out on the town and try to find some comfy spot to plant myself and have a cigar and a low calorie beer.

The problem with bars is that you really cannot expect too much high quality conversation. Therefore, I much prefer going to a Starbucks at, say, Barnes and Noble instead. Still, I have thus far found the people there to be FAR more drama driven than even bar folk.

Whatever the case, and wherever I wind up, it's nice being social now and again. I socialize as a bartender but my main businesses usually keep me at my computer. That can be really boring.

I guess if I meet a nice girl that likes Disneyworld like I do then I'll have to consider the occassional sleepover. I'm an insomniac so I'll just watch Fox News while shes sleeping.

Until then, I'll live the glamourous life of an insomniac entrepreneur wandering the aisles trying to remember where the paper towels are.

I'm thinking they were back in aisle 5 somewhere.


Kat said...


You know what business venture you should take on next? A self help book and seminar tour! Seriously, you need to teach the boys of the world how to be MEN! And you need to teach the girls of the world how to be WOMEN that those men appreciate and respect.

Freestyle said...

That would be great. The only problem with that is that I obviously know next to nothing about women or I wouldnt be Bachin it in the first place. Basically, I'm Chuck without the hot blonde secret agent. Had one. But that's a loooong story.

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