Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Cell Phone R.I.P.

It had to happen sooner or later. And, as the case may be, today was the day.I have never written an obituary for a cell phone before. But, I have never really liked a cell phone like I liked my cell phone. Today, I will write one.

Sure, there were others. Lots really. I'm not bragging, but I've had my share of other phones. I had my first experiences with cell phones when I was just a teenager. I remember a few fatties then. But, at that age, even the flip Motorola looked good.

I experimented with a number of handsets, belt clips and battery back ups. I'm ashamed to say I don't really recall all of the names. There were just so many. Samsung, Nokia, Nextel and that blushing Motorola all came and went. They were flashing green nightstand phantoms. Flicker...then gone.

They said that once you went Blackberry that you'd never go back. But I did. I think I always had a thing for little 'M.' Maybe there was just too much magic between us. I think, perhaps, it was some kind of destiny.

Today, I awoke to find my normal early morning shaken by the dull, fading heartbeat of my Cingular Razor phone.

I know it was to be expected. After all, it was old. It had a lot of good years...almost a full contract. Its case wasnt as black as when I first got it. There was silver showing. It didnt flip like it used to. Buttons were slow to function...but that happens to every phone at that age.

I did my best to bring the life back. I tugged on the cord. I beat on the front cover again and again. Nothing. I did my best really. I tried. But nothing was working.

So I just plugged my cell in one last time...and waited for the end.

"Yes Razor?"
"Is that you?"Sniff.
"Yes. It's me. I'm here with you."
"I can feel my mind going..."

Silence. Stillness. And the murderous cacophony of no signal.

So here then is my cell phone's Obituary:

Scott Free's Cingular Razor Phone - Lasting more than a year, Razor was an exemplary Cell. It was a worthy, well worn life of unlimited minutes used to the raw and more than fifty text messages a day. Razor was reliable, easy to use and was quick with its camera mode and bluetooth. Mourners in attendance will include Cingular and Att. Razor was survived by the new Apple 3G iphone. Razor retained some unique screensavers, java games and mpegs. Razor will be missed.

So that's it. My Cell phone went Kaput. I did what I had to do at times like this. I put the past in my rear view and I moved on. I went to Cingular and purchased an iphone. It's sleek. It has lots of cool functions that I know will come in handy. It fits.

It's kind of sexy really.

Is that what it is? Is that all I want from my Cell? No. I need minutes. I need a readable display. I need a phone that can put up with me. I need depth.

It was good while it lasted Razor. You were good. But your life is over. And my life must go on.

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