Thursday, August 14, 2008

Girlfriend Application Form





General Information


Name: State of Residence:


Marital Status: [ ]Single [ ] Slut
Hair Color: [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Supergirl Blonde [ ] Blonde Enough [ ] Whatever
Height: [ ] Viking [ ] Average Tall [ ] Pissed Off and Hopping
Ex Boyfriend/Husband Status: [ ] Dead [ ]Wish He Was Dead [ ] I Didn't Do It
Children: [ ] I Made One or Two [ ] No. But I'm Looking to Practice


Questionnaire
A. How Hot Are You?[ ] Crazy, Mad, Whupass Hot [ ] You don't deserve me Hot [ ] Models hate me [ ] I'll do
B. Describe Yourself Physically - Check All that Apply [ ] Man made bionic blonde [ ] An absolute angel [ ] Rock video vixen [ ] MILF[ ] Table Dancer Toned [ ] 70s Wookie [ ] BOING! [ ] Sweetly Feminine [ ] Not a man.


1. Are You a Crazy Person?[ ] Yes. And I have your bunny [ ] No we aren't [ ] Only once a month [ ] Never


2. What is Most Important in Your Life? Check all that apply.[ ] Myself. I'm Myselfish [ ] Still me. What is it with you?? [ ] My kids [ ] My career [ ] My Ex I Won't admit to [ ] My Mother [ ] School [ ] Maybe you?


3. What Diseases Do You Have? Check all that apply.[ ] Mental illness. I cooked your bunny. [ ] Pick an STD. [ ] Weeks to live [ ] Clean


4. Do you Do Drugs? [ ] Huh? Oh yeah, pass… [ ] Can you get me some? [ ] Maaaybe? [ ] No way!


5. Are you a Golddigger? [ ] You can't afford me. [ ] Surrender your debit card [ ] I like nice things [ ] Affordable


6. How do you see yourself in the future? [ ] Alone with your house…laughing. [ ] Sleeping with your best friend. [ ] Happily Married [ ] I'll call you now and then.


7. Sex with you is like? Check all that apply. [ ] You wouldn't survive me. [ ] Have you jumped out of an airplane? It's that thrilling.[ ] Sweet and demure [ ] Totally submissive. Spank me!! [ ] You'd be MY bitch


8. You think Love is…. Check all that apply [ ] Almost as good as Money [ ] Great if you look like a god [ ] A way for you to have sex with me. [ ] Neverending and Beautiful [ ] A poem [ ] What I'm gonna give You!


9. I have never… Check all that apply [ ] Killed any men. [ ] Chopped off any penises [ ] Run a man over with my car. Today.


10. This ONE time I…Check all that apply [ ] Made an iddy bitty porn film [ ] Kissed a girl. And I liked it! [ ] Skinnydipped [ ] Had sex on an airplane [ ] Broke my jaw in a car accident I caused
11. You would Cheat IF… Check all that apply[ ] You did Anything to piss me off [ ] I could get away with it [ ] I get bored [ ] The poolboy is hotter than you are [ ] I wouldn't cheat on YOU. Snicker. [ ] Never


12. How Ethical are you? [ ] What are Ethics? [ ] I served time in jail for Grand Theft Auto [ ] I shoplift for fun [ ] I kite checks for the latest fashion trends [ ] I would return a wallet full of cash.


13. Are you Spiritual? [ ] I talk to God when I'm coming [ ] Remember. I'm into ME!! [ ] Kind of [ ] Almost a Nun. You're sooo lucky. [ ] There is no God. [ ] I'm an Angel!


14. What do YOU want in a Man? Check all that apply. [ ] YOU. You are Perfect. Practically. [ ] Someone much hotter than you. [ ] Money [ ] A nice car [ ] A great personality! [ ] A nice guy with a Big Johnson


Hobbies Check all that apply to you.
[ ] Full time Heartbreaker [ ] Being a Bitch

[ ] Being an Angel

[ ] Washing your car in the nude

[ ] Travel

[ ] Going to Movies

[ ] Playing or Watching Sports

[ ] Drunk Dialing Ex Boyfriends

[ ] Drinking until I pass out

[ ] Cosmos with 'the Girls.'

[ ] Buying Shoes

[ ] Being Pretty

[ ] Obsessing about my weight

[ ] Having sex

[ ] Finding things wrong with you

[ ] Recalling your mistakes in the past

[ ] Outdoor Concerts

[ ] Taking pictures of my friends


Oh…And do you believe in [ ] Love [ ] Angels [ ] Magic [ ] Truth [ ] Wonder [ ] Happiness [ ] You


That's It!Thanks very much for your participation Ladies. =)
I __________________ , of my own free will and accord, do now swear to the truth of the above. I swear that I am of sound mind, I have good genes, good teeth, and that I am good looking with a fantastic body and full and lustrous hair. I swear that I am completely over my exes and that I prefer a real man anyway.I promise to laugh at your jokes, stroke your fragile ego occasionally and have sex with you at least 3 times a week, for three weeks a month. I am not a stalker, a nutcase or a self serving bitchbeast who will leave you on Christmas Day and never forgive you for anything you do. I furthermore swear that I will not lead you on then leave you after 4 months to run off with some goofy bastard in a 4Runner or with a guy you thought was a friend…but was really banging me. Oh. And I'll do my best to love you too!
Signed this day……………………………….. / /2008
Print Your NameLast__________________ MI __________________ First _____________________
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