Saturday, August 16, 2008

Foot Lost

Ok. This has been a pet peeve of mine for years. But because it is so universal and because so many people just love to do it I have refrained from saying anything....until now.I'm not drunk. This time. I'm just really tired. And I've been looking over some of my friends pics on Myspace. And guess what they are doing in those pics...

Wrong! Get your minds out of the gutter. They...are...Dancing!!!

You know what I'm talking about. Music plays. Someone wanders off into the middle of a room and starts to move around in an effort to match the rhythm of the music.What the hell are they doing!!!? What is that!!!?

If you turned off the music and you just saw people wander into the middle of the room and start moving around with these weird expressions on their faces...

You would either think they are stoned mindless or that they are the unfortunate victims of Haitian Zombification.

What's even weirder is that people 'dance' with each other too. Just mentally turn off the music in a country bar and watch that 'cute' couple waltz around the room lost in an eyelock.Why are they doing that? What purpose does that serve? Why dont they just sit down and stop moving around like that? And if they really have to be that close to one another then cant they just go home!?

Go home! Get closer there. Have sex or something (and dont get me started on that one.)

Let's not forget about people that like to really show off their 'moves.' Go to a rave and watch all of the people waving bright sticks around with their hands. Now those people really are stoned mindless but it doesnt explain why they dont just chill out...have a Dr. Pepper or something ...and then go to bed.

I've been to my share of raves and I've watched those people waving sticks around in the air. It looks completely pointless. The girls look good doing that but a few of them look good reading the newspaper too. Does that mean that I should sit around at Waffle House hoping to catch a 'reader'. Can they have 'reading raves?' Come to think of it...what exactly can qualify to be a rave?

People dance and move in all sorts of different ways. I sat with my friend one night watching the people dancing next to us. We were delighted to see a whole assortment of 'moves' like the 'hip sway,' the 'white man's overbite,' the 'bump and grind,' the 'oh no you dont,' the 'church revival,' and even what looked to be the combination of a 'death spasm' and a 'kick it I dont need it.'

There are movies about how evil it is to dance like 'Footloose.' I watched that as a kid and thought it was cool. Now I watch it and I can't help but to laugh at the scenes where they break out into eighties dance moves. Other movies like 'Breakin' or 'Step' make me think that dance is really too athletic an activity for most of us. That's just one more good reason to stop doing it.

The absolute worst dancing of all has to be the over choreographed miasma that seems to accompany every pop singer on the music scene. I think Britney Spears is a robot. Christina Aguilera and Janet Jackson are robots too. Just watch how they stop behaving normally and suddenly sync up with the dancers lurking just behind them. Who are these people behind them that are jumping and moving around? I would have fired those people for just showing up.

This is a one man show!

Dancing is the craze on TV now too with the whole 'Dancing with the Stars' garbage. Now celebrities like Ron Jeremy and Flava Flave can dazzle us with their sauve attempts to move about in the middle of a room with a perfect stranger. Sure they all practice together for weeks. But did they know each other before? Of course not. And now they are running around and grabbing on to each other while other people watch in helpless awe.

Go to your local dance club and take a good look at what's happening there. It's shocking really. All of these semi normal people are essentially standing in the same spot and moving their arms and legs around. They are shaking their heads, smiling, trying to periodically look really mad and then closing their eyes and looking kind of lost.

I have an idea. Lets have Dance Karaoke where we play music and watch people dance instead of sing. Just a thought.

At any rate, dancing just baffles me. So I think I'm going to stand in my kitchen and move around randomly to eighties tunes.

See what Footloose did to me!

Dont just sit there on the sidelines. Get out there with me. There is no point at all in moving around like that. But, since everyone seems to love doing it, I think I'm going to join in.

There's just no accounting for crazy. But there is safety in numbers.

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