Saturday, August 9, 2008

Adopt My Possum!

Well. It has been raining here in Springpatch for days and days and days. And I'm not just talking about a comfy little shower. Oh ... hell no. I'm talking, bitching rather (told you), about TORRENTS.

There are literally cats and dogs raining down from the sky. Petsmart employees and Animal Control specialists are running amok in the streets looking through the furry little animal stacks. It's kind of a good time if you want that new Pekinese you were looking at last week.

Anyway, while others were just idling away drinking sorrows out their bladders for St Pattys, I heard a Heavenly Voice from above...and She told me...........

to finally give back my friends high school yearbook that I took because I wanted to find Sarah Palmatiere, a cheerleader from his graduating class...like years ago?

no.

to stop asking her for in roads to tall, viking blonde women?

well...um....no.

to reveal Victoria's Secret to millions so that they may be saved as I was?

no. Crap...I'm striking out here!

No. She told me............ (hushed silence...drum roll please)

to BUILD AN ARK!!!

That's right. You heard me. An Ark.

Ok. So I DID kind have a wee bit to drink over St Pattys. A wee bit. A sniff as it were.

Still, I set out dutifully to do as I was Commanded. Let's face it. It was either that or I might have to stop asking Her for tall, viking blondes.

Thus, I began my work on the Great Springpatch Ark Project. I made a few calls, rubbed some elbows at the bar, sent out some letters...and finally called City Utilities.

Apparently, Arks are hard to come by. So I was off to Indian Point Marina. After all, it isnt the Size of the Ark they say. It's whatever floats your boat.
Like that? That'll be ten dollars.

I began herding up animals two by two almost immediately. And therein I cast the seeds of the problem.

I dont know what to do with all of the damned animals.

Looking through what I have so far, I managed to scrounge up a couple of squirrels, deer, skunks (that was a bitch), snakes, turtles, a jack and a coke, and possums.

Problem is...I have 3 possums. 3. And I only really need two of the damned things.

So what I'm asking one of you Myspacers out there to do....is ADOPT this extra Possum that I have for my Ark.

As far as I can tell its alive. But its a bit tricky with these things. I thought at first that I was drunk...but every time I'd take a few steps and look away these Possum creatures seemed to have spread out and then just gone to sleep or died or something. It's so weird.

So it's 50/50 on the Possum is alive thing. Maybe it's alive Half of the time. That's alright isnt it? I mean...if you Adopt My Possum then Half of the time Your new Possum will be alive.

And that aint bad.

In honor of St Patrick's Day I have officially named this Possum in question...Clover.

Please! Please! Won't you find it in your heart today to Adopt My Possum?
Clover needs a home. And I really dont have time this week to watch over a Possum auction on Ebay. I've done it before...dont ask.

Clover is waiting for his home. And he'll never make it onto the Ark.

Well. That's it.

Damn. I'm kinda hungry. What's Possum taste like?

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